Mothering is the act of caring, nurturing, and being kind EVEN TO YOUR BODY.
However, often it’s much easier to take care of everyone else in our lives, or at the very least simply survive the day-to-day fires that come our way rather than actually address our own needs.
Often, the ability to take care of our selves comes down to the awareness that we really do need it and that we can no longer be a victim to our lives. We must rise up, take courage, and do the hard things.
Here’s how you can cultivate a mothering mindset:
Step 1) Recognize your limiting beliefs and ask the question, “What else is possible?”
Our inability to move beyond our victim mindset is because we stop trusting that there’s more available beyond what we think we know.
When you hear yourself saying things that have the words Always, Never, or Can’t stop yourself and dig a little deeper. Let the mother inside of you prompt you to dream a little bigger and hope a little further.
When you ask “What else is possible” you shift into a mindset of possibility. You activate the problem solving centers of your brain and allow yourself to see beyond what you can control so that you can see solutions.
Your mama may not have modeled this well, but I promise you can cultivate a more optimistic presence that puts you back into the driver seat and allows you to believe YOU CAN.
Because, dear one…you still CAN.
Step 2) Give yourself compassion.
Now that I am a mother I see how much my heart longs to protect the hearts of my children…not from others, but from themselves. I know how easily we twist our thoughts to become our own worst enemy.
Kristin Neff is an expert in the field of self-compassion and you can find a handful of beautiful exercises to help settle your heart and mind into a place of peace when all you want to do is beat yourself up:
One simple exercise to get started is to simply place your hands on your heart and to take deep breaths, noticing your body, and then tell your body or your soul “I Love You” with each exhale.
Even if you didn’t hear this from your own Mother, you can receive this for yourself. You are Loved. When you know this deeply, it’s easier to take the time it requires to honor what you need.
Step 3) Surround Yourself with Support
Research shows that those who connect with others in meaningful ways have a 50 percent increased chance of longevity. Why? Social connection is linked to positive emotions and many health benefits including better immune function.
This means eye-ball to eye-ball connections. Not Facebook or Instagram friends. These are the people who will hold you accountable to yourself.
List of your top 4-5 people who are in your inner circle and why you feel deeply connected to them (specifically their characteristics you love and what you notice about yourself when you are with them). If you can’t come up with at least 2 people, then brainstorm how you can increase your connectedness or meet new people.
Prioritize how you will connect with these VIP's and put touch points down on your calendar or reminder system. Consider sharing your thoughts about what you love about them. Make it a priority to do one thoughtful thing for them, and ask for them to do one thoughtful thing for you.
Step 4: Remember your Value
My mother gave me a scratch piece of paper many years back that says
“When you undervalue who you are, people will undervalue what you do. ”
Do you know who you are?
You are the crown of creation.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
You are the light of the world.
You are known and made for a purpose by God.
Even when I have been in my darkest valleys, I can find a light of hope when I see myself from God’s eyes. Even the best of mothers needs something bigger than herself to find strength, grace, and restoration.
Some suggestions for how to add a higher spiritual/faith and hope based way of living include dedicating time toward:
Prayer/Meditation/Deep breathing
Devotionals/reading
Music/worship
Journaling
Even one mindful minute can re-center your focus on remembering your value and remind you that you are worthy of the effort and time to give yourself self-care.
When you are nurtured on the inside you will find it in you to honor your body. Practice these steps and let them build little by little and watch how they start to give you permission and clarity for how to give yourself what you need body, mind, and spirit.